There are, in fact, deep problems with coming to self-discovery conclusions when you are depressed.
Because of the curtain depression draws to separate you from being able to fully think logically about yourself and your actions, you can never, ever be sure if the conclusion you have reached about the way you act is a factual representation of who you really are. Is it in fact a lie depression has caused you to believe about yourself, is it only true in specific circumstances of depression, or is it an actually reality about yourself that you have FINALLY been able to glimpse through the fog.
What make this even worse is the fact that depression can and often does cause you to doubt yourself and the words from everyone around you. You doubt yourself because you are worthless and therefore your opinion doesn't matter. You doubt other people because you believe that they are nice to you through obligation and therefore nothing they say can be trusted. "They only say that because they have to." So any conclusion made is immediately reversed into a negative because nothing that enters your mind space that gives you worth can be true.
It is maddening. It makes it so hard to determine any truth about yourself. Who you want to be. Who you are currently. What you want to accomplish. The feeling of worthlessness that comes with depression is so isolating. Creating meaningful connections to people around you is almost impossible and in the off chance you DO create a relationship... You want to keep it more than anything but all you feel is guilt because you continuously bring that other person down. And that isn't fair.
The worst thing is, is that I HATE this about myself. Which makes it worse. It feeds the feeling of worthlessness and it just cycles. When you hate something about yourself so thoroughly, it leads to feeling worthless, which then feeds into the void of worthlessness depression creates. So even on good days, good weeks, good months, it is so easy to suddenly and magnificently swing into a black pit through a simple trigger. Anything that makes me disappointed in myself or mad at myself.
BAM! Black pit of foggy doom.
Because of the curtain depression draws to separate you from being able to fully think logically about yourself and your actions, you can never, ever be sure if the conclusion you have reached about the way you act is a factual representation of who you really are. Is it in fact a lie depression has caused you to believe about yourself, is it only true in specific circumstances of depression, or is it an actually reality about yourself that you have FINALLY been able to glimpse through the fog.
What make this even worse is the fact that depression can and often does cause you to doubt yourself and the words from everyone around you. You doubt yourself because you are worthless and therefore your opinion doesn't matter. You doubt other people because you believe that they are nice to you through obligation and therefore nothing they say can be trusted. "They only say that because they have to." So any conclusion made is immediately reversed into a negative because nothing that enters your mind space that gives you worth can be true.
It is maddening. It makes it so hard to determine any truth about yourself. Who you want to be. Who you are currently. What you want to accomplish. The feeling of worthlessness that comes with depression is so isolating. Creating meaningful connections to people around you is almost impossible and in the off chance you DO create a relationship... You want to keep it more than anything but all you feel is guilt because you continuously bring that other person down. And that isn't fair.
The worst thing is, is that I HATE this about myself. Which makes it worse. It feeds the feeling of worthlessness and it just cycles. When you hate something about yourself so thoroughly, it leads to feeling worthless, which then feeds into the void of worthlessness depression creates. So even on good days, good weeks, good months, it is so easy to suddenly and magnificently swing into a black pit through a simple trigger. Anything that makes me disappointed in myself or mad at myself.
BAM! Black pit of foggy doom.
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